Wende had a little lamb....

My Costco membership is such a win sometimes.  However, I usually only use it to buy mass quantities of paper towels, toilet paper, and avocados.  About once every three months I also restock my 4 cubic feet of frozen chicken breasts in my freezer. 

Since we are a household of two, and I don't really like much in the way of frozen meat, I rarely buy any of their mammoth meats.  According to Tish's grandmother, we could freeze everything from Costco salmon to Hershey's kisses in individual portions to keep them fresh - maybe your taste buds die later in life. The second problem, beyond size, is the quality.  I understand that Costco exists mainly to allow people to save money, but I really value quality over price, maybe I'm nuts, but I want it all.  The last time that I decided to purchase a relatively normal sized piece of meat (salmon) from Costco, I split it in two and cooked it two ways, allowing for a total of 6-8 portions from the whole piece of fish.  Basically, I realized once I cooked the fish that I had 3-4 edible portions of food - only because Tish eats anything.  Each night I sadly reheated my rock hard salmon brick and nibbled at it until either one of the cats licked it (they wouldn't eat it either, their Blue food has better quality ingredients) so I could justify throwing it out (to Tish, I'll throw anything out I don't like) or until Tish finished his and would then finish mine.

Since then I have been hesitant to buy meats from Costco, fearing the same issue.  However, last week I was walking to get my avocados when I happened past a cooler of adorable little lambs.  Well, just the racks, but I thought they'd look adorable in a roaster.  Each portion was 1.5-2 pounds, which is the perfect size for the two of us to have two meals.  They were also all about 13-16 dollars depending on size, very reasonable, but it also made me pretty skeptical of the quality.

I decided to roast these for lunch on Saturday with some butternut squash I had on hand.  I spritzed the lambs all over with some olive oil and then rubbed with salt, pepper, paprika, and coated with some fresh minced garlic (both sides).  I then roasted at 450 degrees for about 20 minutes. The lamb is cooked properly when a meat thermometer reads 125 degrees (medium rare).  Let the lamb rest for at least five minutes before cutting between each rib to serve.  Oh and don't forget to take your pictures BEFORE you start cutting.

For the squash I just cubed it and threw it in a plastic bag with a dash of olive oil, some ginger (powdered), cayenne, and curry powder to coat it and then roasted it at 375 for about 20 minutes until it was soft and a little bit crispy on the bottom. You could probably put it in with the lamb even, if you watch it closely and give it a stir once or twice.

My mom was jealous and wanted me to bring her some, but for some reason, the damn lamb wouldn't follow me anywhere.  It must have heard the song before and been suspicious. We will definitely be having a little more Costco lamb in the future.

What the hell is this?

"Pizza" Frittata

My husband, Steve, is a picky eater due to food-related trauma when he was younger. There was lots of food-related trauma, but the worst was when his mother would make something really terrible, like liver, and make him sit at the table until he either finished it or it was bedtime.  

Imagine that: You are an 8-year-old child, sitting at the kitchen table while the rest of your family is in the adjoining room watching Ed Sullivan and you are staring at a plate of cooling, congealing liver knowing that you could never, ever eat it without barfing. Oh, and did I mention that his mother was a terrible cook?  If anyone you know currently engages in this form of child abuse, please call CYF. Thanks. 

As a result, he is very hard to feed, and is completely unfiltered in his reaction to new foods or any food he doesn't like. For example, I will make something that I think is delicious and he will take a couple of bites, start pushing it around his plate, then look up and say, "What in the hell is this?"  Or, he'll eat it and say, "Well, I wouldn't order that again." 

It sounds rude, but it's actually hysterically funny and my daughter and I occasionally replay all of his comments and laugh until we pee. He's not mad, he's just disappointed.  

Anyway, he also travels a lot, and when he finds something out that he likes, he'll email me the menu and ask if I can try to figure out how to make it. The result of that has been some really terrific dishes, like bacon wrapped shrimp stuffed with pepper jack cheese, which I'll make and post another time. My oldest son likes that one so well that you have to give him a limit on how many he can eat when you set them out or he'll just hoove all of them. That boy can eat.

This week I made what I am calling "Pizza" Frittata. He had it at a breakfast place in Chicago. The first time I made it I did it wrong because all I had was a fairly brief description from the menu. Steve neglected to mention that it was actually made like a pizza, with the frittata itself standing in for the crust, then topped with marinara sauce and grated cheese. When I made it the first time, I made it like a traditional frittata and just tossed in the veggies and cheese. When Steve ate it he remembered to tell me about the presentation and the marinara sauce and all that jazz. So now I know.  

One recipe note: these ingredient amounts are all approximates. Frittata's are not meant to be set in stone; use as much or as little meat/vegetable as you like. This is a low carb recipe, but can be made Paleo by leaving off the cheese. Assuming you're not a strict, uptight, Paleo cop, of course. If you are: Sigh.

"Pizza" Frittata

6 eggs, beaten. Add a bit of milk or cream if you'd like. I don't. 

1/2 pound Italian sausage

4 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced

1/2 cup green onion, diced

20 pepperoni slices, chopped

black olives, chopped or sliced

provolone cheese, shredded

marinara sauce, warmed

1. Preheat broiler. 

2. In a large, broiler safe skillet, cook Italian sausage over medium heat. Remove from pan with a slotted spoon and set aside. 

3. Add a bit of oil or butter if there's not enough from the sausage, and saute the mushrooms and green onions until they soften. Add in the pepperoni, Italian sausage and olives. 

4. Pour egg mixture over the meat/veggies. Cook until the eggs are set on the bottom and partially cooked through. 

5. Put skillet under broiler until the eggs are cooked and the top is puffy and browned. 

6. Allow to cool for a few minutes, then spread marinara sauce on top and sprinkle with shredded cheese. Broil again until cheese is just melted.

5. Again, let it set just a few minutes. Slice and serve! Fruit is a good accompaniment -- potatoes are great, if you eat potatoes, which my husband does not. 

I Got a Chicken: NUGGET!

For those of you that get that, I'm sorry.  For those that don't - you obviously have a better social life than I do on Sunday evenings post-football.  Or you like to keep your dinner down.

Last night I did have a chicken, however I didn't name him because that would be weird.  I only name live animals - and usually not ones I intend to eat.  Luckily, I managed to make the most delicious chicken ever and it will last me through the week for reruns...of both chicken and Honey Boo Boo.

In a side note: this really happened to me once.  It is not photo shopped.

So last night, I actually got home from work early and had a beautiful organic 4-and a half-pound chicken in the fridge.  Match made in heaven.  I don't remember where I heard this, it was a long time ago, but I have always used a very basic method to roast my chicken.  You take your chicken, remove the giblets (duh) and then wash and dry the chicken VERY THOROUGHLY inside and out.  I usually let me chicken dry a few minutes after patting dry just to get rid of any extra moisture.  Then I plop him in a roaster - breast side UP, salt and pepper all over and inside and rub the seasonings in.  Throw (or place gently if you have no sense of adventure) the chicken in a preheated 450 degree oven for 25 minutes.  Remove chicken, use two clean dish towels to flip him (breast side down) and put him in the oven for 25 more minutes.  After this, flip him back over, breasts out, and put him back in (weird chicken man-boobs up) until he is finished cooking.  He will be finished cooking after about an hour and fifteen minutes, or when a thermometer stuck in his shapely thigh reads 165 degrees.  Let your chicken sit on a cutting board for 10-15 minutes to cool off before carving.

If you have a larger/smaller chicken, adjust your weird chicken fantasies and timings accordingly.  Once you make your chicken this way, you will realize why I have strange images of the lovely chicken my bird will become.  The chicken is tender and moist on the inside, even the breast (due to flipping), and has a crunchy delicate skin that is to die for.

While your chicken is cooking - take your giblets, (all except the LIVER which you should definitely put in a bowl, covered, in the fridge temporarily....or bring it to my house...) and put into a small saucepan with 1-2 celery stalks, 1 carrot, and 1 whole onion.  If your veggies don't fit - just break them roughly, no need to chop.  You don't even need to peel the onion.  Cover the giblet/veggie mix with water, cover the pot, and bring to a boil.  Once your water is boiling, turn down to a simmer and let simmer for an hour. When you pull your chicken out of the oven, turn off the stove and strain your (now) broth into a large bowl or measuring cup.  Push on the veggies and giblets to extract all the extra juice and flavor.  Set this aside for GRAVY!

Back to the roaster...put your roaster (rack removed, if you used one) with all the yummy drippings over two burners over medium high heat.  Scrape the bits from the bottom to loosen, chop your saved liver (THIS IS A MUST PEOPLE - I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE LIVER - BE A MAN) and throw it into the roasting pan.  Stir continuously to allow the liver to brown.  Once liver is browned, pour approximately 2-2.5 cups of your homemade chicken broth in with the liver.  Then choose your own adventure to thicken your gravy.

To thicken gravy:

1. Gluten/dairy free:  Add almond flour in 1/4 cup increments and stir for 1-2 minutes after each addition until gravy begins to thicken.  I used about 3/4 of a cup total.
2. Gluten free:  Mix equal parts cornstarch and milk in a leak-proof tupperware and pour in about 1/4 cup at a time, stirring 1-2 minutes after each addition until gravy begins to thicken.

Now just carve your chicken, and serve with a side of veggies and gravy. I chose to pan-fry some brussel sprouts and make sweet potato fries because that's what I had - let your creative mind wander.

That...and some wine.  Also, I then gave my kittens some of the giblets used for the broth with a little gravy.  My cat is so lazy she ate them lying down.  I refuse to believe this is a reflection on my pet parenting style.

As a side note, I had some extra broth and no good containers to save it in that would not leak, so my genius self decided to store the extra in a water bottle! I'm just that brilliant.  You may concur.

Also - since I know she is going to say it anyway - the broth/gravy method here is my mother's, which I got from the cookbook my mother gave to me when I moved out with all of the recipes I grew up with.  I just beat her to the punch on the posting.  You'll probably see it again around Thanksgiving.

The Pennsylvania Tomato Sauce Massacre

I'm not sure if this title is even adequate to describe the cooking event of this weekend.  I recently started doing the Whole30 program for January and because you can't eat anything with added sugar, I realized that all of my pasta and marinara sauces I keep in my fridge for pizza and spaghetti related emergencies were out.  

Ha...let's be honest...you can't have spaghetti on Whole30 either...only spaghetti squash - and I can't imagine I'll find a Whole30 approved pizza anywhere either, since you can't eat gluten, or dairy, or fun.

Overall, I don't feel deprived, only inconvenienced, which is where this cooking adventure originated.  I was browsing on the web for an easy - no sugar - tomato sauce that I could keep on hand for my variety of tomato related recipes.  I came across this easy 4-Ingredient Tomato Sauce from Simple Bites.

Because Saturday was a beautiful day in Pittsburgh - I mean - 60+ degrees in January?? Come on! I decided to drag the fiancee on a morning walk to Trader Joe's to get the required six 28oz cans of tomatoes. I'm not sure if he realized I had essentially just dragged him out of bed and conned him into both doing my workout for the day with me, and dragging the world's heaviest brown paper bag two miles home.  Either way, it worked.

I find my kitchen to be well equipped, but who on earth has a bowl big enough to dump in 168 ounces of food to puree into oblivion without coating the entire counter with a fine layer of light red pulp?  NOT ME!  Thinking back on my mistakes, maybe I should have used my absolutely enormous wok I always forget I own.  I'm pretty sure I've never used it for any wok related activities...only for mixing.

Since this is my first post, I will note that the idea of me splattering the kitchen with a variety of food substance is something that will be a repeated trend.  I am probably the messiest cook ever.  In the process of making this sauce, I managed to splatter my sink/counter area with tomato puree, and then later in the cooking process, splattered my oven, walls, picture behind the oven, floor, back door, fiancee and kitten with molten lava tomato sauce straight from the pot.  I swear the pot was covered, with the exception of stirring.  I have no explanations.

Regardless, the result of my efforts was a thick spicy tomato/marinara sauce that I thought was as good, if not better than all the store bought stuff I've found and liked.  I actually ate about a cup with a spoon before it even cooled. Second mistake.

4-plus-some-Ingredient Tomato Sauce

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
• 4-5 teaspoons jarred minced garlic (I always prefer this to whole as my lack of knife skills are somewhat dangerous)
• 6 28-oz cans of diced tomatoes
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 2 small cans tomato paste
• 1.5 teaspoons onion powder
• 1.5 Tablespoons (or to taste) of each dried Basil and dried Oregano
• 1.5 Tablespoons (or to taste) of crushed red pepper

Instructions:

1. Set up your splash zones and warn the audience.
2. Pour cans of tomatoes into the LARGEST POSSIBLE BOWL YOU CAN FIND and puree with an immersion blender until smooth.
3. Heat a large, heavy pot over medium heat and add olive oil, when oil is hot, add garlic and stir continuously for a minute or two.  Do not allow the garlic to brown.
4. Add 1/2 cup of the tomato puree to the pot and stir into the garlic.  Let cook for about a minute to allow the oil and tomato to brown and caramelize slightly.
5. Add remaining tomato puree, salt, tomato paste, and spices.  Stir well.  Simmer on medium low heat for at least four hours.  Make sure you stir regularly during this step (every 20-30 minutes) to avoid the sauce burning at the bottom of the pan.
6. Remove from heat, let cool for at least 30 seconds before sticking the scalding spoon into your mouth to taste the sauce.  DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP.  Adjust spices to taste.
7. Cool more and then place into containers and storage bags.  Freeze any portion of sauce you will not be using within a week or so.

I used my fancy sauce to make a big batch of these cabbage rolls from They've Gone Paleo for my extended family to enjoy during the playoff games that evening.  I chose Italian sausage from the meat roulette and they were so good that my mother and I each had like three enormous rolls.  My little brother ate about five for breakfast the next day.  My dad looked at them like they were going to hurt him and pushed them around his plate for about 30 minutes.  Can't win 'em all.

Also, during the later making of the cabbage rolls, I somehow ended up covered literally head to toe in this sauce for the second time that day.  When I mentioned it, the fiancee (Tish), who had cleaned up my earlier debacles  shot back "Well then that makes two of us."  Shut up and eat your cabbage rolls and be glad you're marrying someone who cooks.

Measuring wine

Yes, I am drinking wine out of a measuring cup here. I had to, I accidentally poured out too much. I didn't want to use the wrong amount because it's very important to measure accurately. There was no other solution.  

With the rest of the wine I made Shrimp Chorizo and Dirty "Rice," which I got from the I Breathe, I'm Hungry Blog. It was spicy and filling and easy to make.

But back to measuring. Nothing makes me more irritated than clicking on the reviews for a recipe and reading this:  "Well, I didn't have any cheese, so I used sour cream and I didn't have ketchup, so I used a packet of Taco Bell hot sauce that I found in a drawer and I didn't have a pork tenderloin so I used a pound of ground beef. It tasted terrible, I don't know why everyone else says it's so good."

So, of course, they give the recipe one star even though, technically, THEY DID NOT MAKE THAT RECIPE! My rule is this: you make the recipe the first time exactly as written. Then, if you don't like it, it's legit. Otherwise, you're a moron. Also? If the recipe has only 5 ingredients and you don't like 4 of them, find something else to make because this won't end well.

Seriously, if you're a terrible cook and are also a random measurer/direction follower, then that's your problem. Buy some measuring cups and reading glasses and try again.